Why
New Boots & Panties? Well, it was my intention to visit some of the
newer Go-Go's in town, or at least new to me, so there would be farm
fresh girls to see clad in brand new thigh high leather boots (stop it)
and new fresh bikini panties on view, and frankly New Kid's on the
Block Tour didn't conjure up the same alluring sexual vision in my
fevered mind, albeit if a vision of the late Ian Dury immediately sprang
to your mind, I guess that wouldn't exactly score highly on the old
woodometer either! It's been a while since I did a tour, but this
past week Mrs. Materialsman and Materialsman Junior have been visiting,
so once they had departed back to Rayong I needed a night of lusting
and perving to get me back to reality(?!?)
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll
Started off with a stroll down the Coconut Bar around 8.00 o'clock as
it was still fairly early for the Go-Go's, couldn't believe just how
many ladies were advertising their wares on the prom, along with various
irons and ladyboys, drug pushers and hustlers off all kinds
thronged the pavements, a gentle evening stroll along the promenade must
be a real culture shock to the new tourist to Pattaya. Of course, the
majority of the Beach Road Freelancers rate fairly highly on the
skankometer, but there are one or two pearls to be found amongst the
swine, given the proviso that my night vision is not what it once was.
Mr Love Pants
So
my first port of call was Secrets Bar on Soi 14, as it was still
too early for most Go-Go's. I quite like Secrets as a concept, and I am
a regular contributor to their website Forum, though I do consider they
charge like a wounded rhinoceros for my favoured bottled Heineken, thus
forcing me to drink the draft beer Tiger on my visits here, I don't have
a problem paying outrageous prices for a bottled beer in a Go-Go, where
there is acres of naked flesh on display, but I feel that in a Coyote
style Bar, the pricing in Club Blu or the Honeypot is more to my liking.
Talking of Coyote Bars, I clocked a large new Coyote Bar on Walking
Street, on the right, near the top end, but I didn't catch the name as I
was too busy perving at the Hello Girls outside, but it looked
quite smart and definitely on my list for the next tour of duty.
Secrets is what it is, a sort of Cheers style Bar where
everyone knows your name and was busy as always, a very successful
business concept, perhaps partly, but not singularly due to the
ubiquitous and gregarious Manager Larry, though last night I felt
the Mamasan was a bit hasty in trying to thrust a girl at me for
company, actually before I had even got my first beer, that may be
fine for a shy newbie, but I like to take my time and actually
select a cutie to sit with me, it's a minor irritation, but I guess it
worked, as I felt obliged to buy a lady drink and swap idle
where you come from,' 'what's your name' style crap until I
could beat a retreat.
You'll See Glimpses
Having
escaped the clutches of my Velcro like companion, I headed to the
Beach Club, this of course was not part of my original New Boots
plan, but hey, this is Pattaya and it is hard to plan anything in this
town, often it's better to just go with the flow. I really like the
Beach Club, although I seldom look at the dancing girls displaying
their freshly shaven havens, not because I am shy or favour the
bushy bush look, I actually do prefer a bald or trimmed pussy,
it's just that I think this place has some of the most beautiful
hostesses in town so my gaze is always diverted to them, plus you can
actually sit quite comfortably on the sofas and enjoy the beer without
being hassled if that's what you prefer.
After my first bottle of Heineken I purloined both another drink and
a pretty hostess, not my first choice, who I have mentioned in previous
reports, as she was busy with an oriental gentleman, but pretty enough
none the less, and we were soon joined by a real busty, sexy looking
hostess with braided hair, who smothered me with kisses whilst berating
me for not having spent time with her for four years, she used to be a
fuck buddy from her Soi 8 days, and very good at her job she is too, I
actually recall that it was a night four years ago, with her and a
friend back at my place that finally persuaded me to go for the single
girlfriend route, having two gorgeous rampant girls in my bed until 4
a.m. in the morning is not conducive to a life of working in Fun Town, I
couldn't handle the pace! I suitably apologized to her, explaining about
my four year loyalty to my lovely mia noi, but whoa, I was sorely
tempted to re-acquaint myself with her very ample mammaries and fit
body! So, I spent a pleasant hour or so in their company, very relaxing
in comparison to my last port of call, of course I bought lady drinks
and tipped them both when I left, but that's fine because it was my
choice.
I did have a look around on my way out, and there was some pretty
fine looking girls dancing in actual fact, and although the Bar was
fairly busy, it doesn't seem to be popular amongst the locals doing
their nightly crawls, no problem with that, all the better for me, a
solid 9/10 in my humble opinion!
I Want To Be Straight"
So,
back on track for my New Boots tour, and back into Walking Street
to the new Iron A Go-Go. This is recently opened and is situated
next to the popular Airport (more on that later) and has a
similar layout and some smartly dressed Hello girls outside, although
they don't really maintain the concept throughout the staff like
Airport. As discussed on various forums, the Club is unfortunately named
for some London based Brits, Irons being a word associated with
gays, in Cocker'nee rhyming slang, iron hoofs = poofs,
fortunately there are only women dancing here.
I have read that the layout is not conducive to sitting in comfort,
and I have to agree, having been trodden on a couple of times while
people passed by, but it makes good use of the limited space and sort of
opens out the further back you go near to the now standard Jacuzzi areas
where girls were soaping each other and whipping buttocks with gay
abandon. It's pretty smart inside the Club, though the quality of
dancing girls left a little to be desired, but it is early days and
there is time for it to get better, a sprinkling of beauties though, not
all farm fresh awkward shufflers, and the Tequila girl was to die for.
I had a girl target me pretty quickly, I put that down to my
beautiful new Hawaiian shirt rather than my visage, so I humoured her
for a while until she went to dance/shuffle and finished my beer and
made my escape, as her conversation was sadly lacking, must have been
new to the scene. Can't remember the drink price, I think around 125
Baht for the bottle, reasonable enough for Walking Street, but currently
I could only award a 7/10 due to the standard of girls, but I will give
it another try next time, I liked the décor.
Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 3
Having
mentioned Airport above, and being one of my current favourites,
I decided that as it was conveniently placed right next door and I
wouldn't require the services of Sherpa Tensing and his hardy crew to
help me navigate my course that would be the next destination. I have
read on Forums that Airport is too loud, too expensive, too
small, but f**k me sideways, they are doing something right, and those
stewardess uniforms are something else, I love the way they appear to
have a sort of colour ranking with the uniforms, from the beautiful blue
of the stunning Hello girls and some service girls, there are also white
uniforms, red ones, and I even spotted one lady in a black suited get
up, very, very sexy in my view, and I am known amongst my peers as an
incorrigible pervert of the highest order, with a known predilection for
schoolgirl uniforms, but this stewardess concept done Airport Club
style blows that right out of the water, even the naked Jacuzzi girls
maintain tiny parts of the uniform.
Wotabunch!
The Club was absolutely chockers, virtually standing room
only, and I had to make my way back to the Jacuzzi areas before I could
squeeze myself onto a stool. If you think being trodden on is a
potential hazard in the Iron Club, then you wouldn't like Airport
one bit! It was so compressed in there wedged between the wall and the
first Jacuzzi, it was almost uncomfortable, but I didn't give a flying
f**k, there were so many naked girls squeezing past me that I managed to
cop a feel of more naked, tight ass in an hour than a Catholic Priest
gets in a lifetime! I feel I have to mention one of the Jacuzzi girls,
simply the largest pair of natural tits on a Thai girl I have seen in
years.
Everyone was having a riotous time in there, with the exception of
one white haired elderly falang woman sat near the second
Jacuzzi, who clearly had been dragged into the Club kicking and
screaming, and was not shy of letting everyone around her know of her
disgust with the whole thing. Now, if your reading this, and you were
the total f**kwit responsible for bringing this woman into the Club, go
kill yourself in shame, that sort of thing really gets my goat, nothing
against white women, I've seen plenty of sexy Russian girls getting off
on the Go-Go scene, but keep the miserable, unhappy, sexually repressed
pale monsters well clear of me when I am out on the razzle in Fun
Town.
Actually, sat right beside me were a right couple of foreign
queens, right down to the tight V-neck white T-shirts, and wearing
cravats for chrissakes, but even they were having a ball being jumped on
by the girls. The girls here last night were just simply awesome, the
dancers, the show girls, the service girls, Hello girls and all, if you
can just block out the awful, loud car alarm music played in there, it's
the hottest joint in town, and I wouldn't hesitate to bring a newbie
into here for his first taste of life Pattaya style, I think it would be
enough to make him faint, even the Pope would have a ball here right
now, I just wish I had more time to be a regular visitor here.
Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick
Another girl on the platform next to the Jacuzzi was rubbing her
pussy up rigorously again a chrome pole, there were wet foam truncheons
being smacked against naked flesh with reckless abandon, there were
gorgeous, skimpy uniform clad girls gyrating on stage, total
bacchanalia, if I die, please place my ashes in an urn on the window
shelf right here opposite the Jacuzzi's, so I can enjoy the deliciously
decadent, debauched scene for all eternity. There is really no other
option available to me than to give this place a 10/10 based on last
night.
Where's the Party?
Back
on track for the New Boots part, I stumbled up Soi Diamond
heading towards the Gentlemen's Club just on your left as you
enter the narrow part of the Soi. This is not a new club per se, but
this was to be my first visit there. First impression upon entering was
that it was much smaller than I had imagined, and by the impression
given by the website, but what it lost in size it more than made up with
the quality of the dancing girls on the night. There were probably only
ten girls onstage and as many again scattered around sat with customers,
but of very high rating in beauty, I would have to award this place a
9/10 based solely on the girls I saw last night, they looked stunning
attired in quality, expensive red lingerie style bikinis. There is also
a VIP style room upstairs available for the princely sum of 500 Baht
with No Barfine as it proudly states on the displayed notice, but
I had no chance to take a look, there seemed to be a party in full
swing, I think I recognized the guy holding it, but no names, no pack
drill, discretion is the better part of valour*, and I expect the same
from people that know me personally when I am out on tour too. Anyway he
was having a great time of it swigging away from a bottle of champagne
and keeping the girls suitably lubricated, I declined the pig on a
spit offered to me, I had started off the evening with a Mutton
Masala, which is perhaps not the seasoned monger's meal of choice before
setting off on a Walking Street Tour, and it was beginning to rumble
merrily away in the pit of my stomach. So I had a couple or three beers
here and very much added Gentlemen's Club to my Favourites list
for future perambulations.
Handsome
Well,
time was closing in on me, as you know I have to earn a crust here to
finance my lotus eater lifestyle, so only time to hit one more
place before stumps, so again I fell back, or should that be up, on one
of my favourites, Heavens Above. Once more it didn't disappoint
me, some honey's here as always, they seemed to be having some sort of
Daisy Duke thing going amongst the staff, you know the look, tiny
denim shorts, check shirts tied at the waist, straw hats etc. and very
nice it looked too! I know some of the show girls here have a reputation
of bad attitude, but frankly I have never had a problem with any
girl from here, maybe through my very persona, I dress reasonably well,
I'm not a complete' fugly', and I treat the girls in my company well.
Hey, maybe I have become a member of the Heavens Above clique
that some guys whisper darkly of, that's an amusing thought, I've always
held on to the Groucho Marx mindset towards belonging to clubs and
cliques.
Really Glad You Came
Well, I only had time for a couple more bottles in here enjoying both
the beauty and bare flesh in display as I had to head off home before I
turned back in to a pumpkin, but overall a very enjoyable night out,
still an awful lot of stunningly beautiful girls around town, and I only
managed to visit a fraction of the Go-Go's available, plus I have never
even been to the late night Clubs and Disco's in town, where allegedly
the most beautiful girls of Pattaya hang out, Airport is just
currently incredible, and Beach Club and Gentlemen's Club
run it pretty close right now.
Razzle In My Pocket
Final thoughts from the night? Well, recession, what recession for
one? I only selected a few places due to time restraints, but every one
of them was either busy or actually heaving with customers, and this is
still the Low Season, so don't listen to all the keyboard warrior
exponents of doom predicting the end of Pattaya as a fun place to be, a
night out here is still one of the Greatest Shows on Earth. I
didn't exactly do as I intended to, to see new places, but that's a
night out in Pattaya in a nutshell, very hard to make firm plans, maybe
next time around!
There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards
*Note to Bill Gates, you may be one of the richest guys in the world,
but I am starting to get mighty pissed off with your American English
spell check trying to correct my Queen's English!
Wake
Up & Make Love With Me
And for tonight's musical interlude, in keeping with New Boots &
Panties and in dedication to my' mia noi' who frankly is not at her best
in the mornings and soundly sleeps like a dead person, no matter how
hard I try to wake her with my fun sized Mars Bar, I swear she
could sleep through an earthquake. Wake Up & Make Love With Me by
Ian Dury & The Blockheads